"Eccentric Kissing Tips"

1. Getting Cleared for Takeoff

Key Elements:

Eye Contact, Facial Expression
It’s always best to avoid the ‘ambush’ kiss (althoughthese can be exciting as your relationship progresses).
By looking into your partner’s eyes, you will be not only sendingthe message that you like them and want to be closer to them, but you willbe receiving messages as well.
A warm, kind smile (even a slight smile is good, it doesn’t have tobe BIG) is what you want to see and what you want your partner to see toget the green light.
Just as important as the look on his/her face is where he or she islooking.

While looking down may be a sign of shyness rather than lack of interest, glancing away, or even worse, noticing someone else, indicates that this is definitely not the right time, right place or, perhaps, not even the right person.

2. Final Instrument Check

Key Elements:

Closeness, Alignment, Physical Touch
As you move closer to that magical kiss, you don’t want to be leaning forward awkwardly to get there.
Not only will moving closer send signals to your partner, but you want your body to be in a comfortable position during the kiss, so you can enjoy every moment of it.
You may want to actually touch the person just before the kiss. While a hand lightly on the face is a definite signal of intimacy, even holding hands combined with eye contact and a warm look can get your ‘flight’ confirmed.
Just like taxiing onto the runway, you want to make sure you are aligned correctly at this point.

3. Down the Runway

(Also known as the point of no return)
Key Elements:
Relaxed lips, Closed eyes - prepare for your feet to leave the ground!
You won’t need the speed of a 747 to get off the ground. Move in slowly, so that you don’t end up embarrassingly banging heads, or lips. During step number two you made sure the two of you were aligned correctly, and now you can close your eyes as you’re just about to make contact.
Your lips should be relaxed, not tightly pressed together. You want your partner to have the pleasant experience of feeling your lips softly against theirs, no matter whether you’re a guy or a girl.
A First kiss isn’t a time for a guy to prove his strength, or machismo. Your lips should be recently moistened, but not wet.

4. Gaining Momentum

Key Elements:
Relaxed lips, Head tilt, Breathing
As you are moving in, you can part your lips slightly just before contact. Keep your lips relaxed, tension-free jaw, the tongue in the hangar.
Remember to keep the head tilted so both of you can still breathe comfortably (through your noses) on contact and as the perfect kiss is held.
Prepare to savor every moment ... slowly, gently, easily...

5. We Have Liftoff!

Key Elements:
A Soft Touch and Gradual Adjustments
Now you have first contact. For a first kiss, keep it sweet. Not too long and not wet.
Be sure not to pull away too quickly or make any sudden movements. Savor. Savor. Savor.
Often, people describe that first kiss in a relationship as falling into a slow motion movie. Enjoy the moment!
It’s not critical here whether your upper and lower lip are aligned with theirs, you can be slightly above or below, and in future kisses, you’ll be able to experiment with different ‘flying’ styles!
Mmmmmmm. PERFECT.

By Doc Luvmore

 
 
Parody

 

 

 

"Eccentric Tips
for Self Control"

  1. 1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
  2. When you bathe never admire yourself in mirror.
  3. Wear Pajamas that are hard to open and yet loose and not binding.
  4. When the temptation to masturbate is strong yell "STOP" as loudly as you can in your mind!
  5. A book of Mormon firmly held in hand even in bed at night has proven helpful for those extreme cases.
  6. In very, very severe cases tie your hand to the bed frame with a tie.
  7. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
  8. Get out of bed and fix yourself a snack!
  9. Make a pocket calendar, if you have a lapse in self-control color the day black.
  10. Set up a reward system for yourself, put a quarter in a receptacle when you overcome a temptation.
  11. Never read pornographic material you keep it out of your mind. Remember first it's the thought and then it's the act. Shamey, shamey....